Missing Wickenburg

Last night I dreamt I was in treatment again. I was arguing with the house mom that I needed to be allowed to use the phone so I could tell my parents that I was being released the next day. I got so tired of that kind of crap when I was actually there. Towards the end of my stay I started becoming so indignant. Like, what the fuck do you mean I can't make a damn cup of tea whenever I want to? Ok, so you gave me back my cellphone...if it's off, why the hell can't I carry it with me into the great room? It's lonely being away from there though. Now that I'm back home, especially now that I'm back in the dorms, it's kind of surprising to have to make my own schedule. I miss waking up in the morning and knowing that I had to be ready by a certain time. It was nice to know that there was something I didn't want to miss taking place soon, even if it did mean I had to be in the van by 6:30am. Of course what I really miss isn't early morning meetings or cowboys or how cold it was. (Yes there were real cowboys. There were cowboys everywhere and they all wore cowboy hats and boots and owned horses. They also drove giant trucks. It was weird for me at first. Hell it was still kinda weird by the time I left. We were an hour away from the nearest Target. It was really like a whole nother world.) What I miss the most is the people. It was nice to constantly be surrounded by supportive people who understood what I was going through. It's weird to realize I can't just step out of my room and go bag on Casey and Alana's door. I especially miss Su. I'm glad she is coming out to Santa Monica. I feel kind of the way I did when everyone graduated last year. It was weird to suddenly realize that I could just wander back to the dorms and go complain about how inadequate I felt in Spanish Class. Of course I love my friends at home, and I love being in school. I'm happy to be back and though my classes may be tough this semester they are all things that I really enjoy. It's just a strange, different feeling. I suppose I didn't expect this shift in the way I feel to actually take place.
For a snap shot of what Wickenburg was like: We made our own stockings for Christmas and managed to convince the staff to let us all go on a "walk" to the dollar store, regardless of our level. We then raced down to the dollar store in the rain and completely raided it of all it's small little trinkets to stuff each others stockings with. We ended up needing to make even more stockings because we bought so much shit. We all got lots of lighters and things like silly puddy. I've never been so excited or grateful for small little gifts. Plus I cooked mash potatoes for an entire group of twelve people on Christmas day. Boo yea.