Aaaaaaaah

So the new school semester started today and I have no idea what to do with myself. I've been feeling so restless and anxious lately. I'm excited about the one class that I've been to so far but part of me still feels completely without direction. I feel like I have no idea what I'm actually doing. Yes I want to be a dance and literature major but part of me kind of wonders why I'm taking all these classes. It's like, really, what's the point? I'm hoping that as I get into them I'll start to feel passionate about them and maybe my excitement over the topics will give me a sense of direction. (Yes, I do get excited over lit classes.) It doesn't help that it looks as though I may not be going to Argentina next semester, and needing to make a decision about that has sort of left things up in the air. I know I won't have the time or energy to choreograph for the dance show this semester, but if I'm planning to go abroad next semester I'll need to. That means I won't be able to do things like Hall Council and clubs, which I would like to do, but then, well wasn't the point of not being an RA this semester so that I can chill out and if I'm loading up my schedule other commitments, then did I just quit my job for nothing? And if I don't go abroad I don't really need to take the spanish class I'm signed up for. I'd still like to continue to study spanish regardless, but if I don't need it, do I really have time for it? Is it just eating up extra time and energy that I don't need to be wasting? On top of this I need to remember to fit in my treatment program at least 3 nights a week. I'll also be working weekends at the music library this semester, which is a chill job, but kind of feels like nothing. It doesn't even feel like work, just a listless chunk of time. I do like it there though, and obviously I know how everything works. It doesn't pay very much which sucks because since I went to Costa Rica I didn't get to work a whole lot this summer and so I'm starting off the year already hurting for money. So I'm basically just really confused, and since I'm not sleeping a whole heck of a lot, I'm really disconnecting from everything and just basically not focused. I wish I could have had one more week to recover before starting the school year. The turn around from getting back to the states and starting school was just a little fast for me. There isn't really anything I can do about it though. Oh well.