Lasagna...for one

I forgot to buy Shampoo today :(

2009-03-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

Chev came to visit this weekend. It was absolutely awesome seeing her again. Sometimes I forget that it's possible to enjoy myself the way I use to. We watched an absolutely amazing (and I mean amazing in the sense that it was so horrible it had to be appreciated) horror movie staring Snoop Dogg. It required much more contemplation than I care to admit. We got two hours of sleep and then left to the airport at 4:30 in the morning. It reminded me of last year making late night trips to LAX and listening to JT on the radio (of course this time there was no JT, but there certainly was some Brittany and that was good enough). I think for the first time in my life I didn't get lost either going or coming. It was a miracle.
I was really glad that Chev got to be here for the showing of my latest dance in my contemporary choreographers class. Seeing the look on Laurie's face when I re-entered the stage completely naked almost made me burst out laughing. I tried my best not to smile. I think I failed though. The evening was made even better by the fact that Mark then proceeded to perform the single ladies dance from Beyonce's music video. He's gotten amazingly good at it.
Today I feel a bit better than I have been feeling. I managed to make it all the way through a ballet class yesterday. It felt pretty good. I had the startling, and I suppose rather obvious, thought on my drive home yesterday that the actual perpous of my ballet class is to learn. I therefore probably shouldn't beat myself up as much as I do when I don't get the combinations right. I'm there to learn them.
I went to an early morning meeting today and even though I felt a bit uncomfortable and the woman who was suppose to meet me there didn't show up, it was still time well spent. I bought flowers and cards for my last day of outpatient (today) and I'm now sitting on the computer enjoying some music and reading up on the best translated books of 2009.

Sundays full of driving and cigarretes

2009-03-02T10:49:00.000-08:00

I went out to Santa Monica to visit some friends yesterday. It was a little nerve wracking (partly because I backed in a car while lost looking for their house). I got to spend a good amount of time with a former roommate of mine which was really nice. We went out to lunch and walked around down town. She seems to be doing really well and she told me all about her new boyfriend. Of course we got lost trying to find where I'd parked my car and I was kinda stressed by the massive amounts of traffic and people, but the time we spent together was fulfilling. Picking her up from her apartment I got the chance to see a few more of my old friends who I've missed desperately since returning to California. It was really nice to see them again even if it was for only a minute. When I dropped Alyssa (my former roomie) back home I was able to sit with my good friend Su for a bit outside. We chatted and caught up which filled me with such a bittersweet happiness. I really miss her a lot and it was wonderful to see her even if it was only for 15 minutes or so. She told me seeing me there was like suddenly coming home for her, which almost made me want to cry. The whole reunion was bittersweet. I was so glad to see everyone and spend time with them, however it was a stressful day and the time went by way to fast. I wish I'd been able to spend more quality time with everyone else. I miss the closeness we once had. I'm glad I now know where they live at least. Maybe I can go back for a second visit sometime.

Naked dancing

2009-02-28T15:18:00.000-08:00

I'm having so much fun in my contemporary choreographers class down at Pomona. I didn't really expect to, but I'm really enjoying it now that Mark is working with us. The other day we spent half the class trying to replicate Beyonce's single ladies choreography. Nothing could have made me happier. We are also currently working on a dance that deals with metamorphises. The dance is hilarious and eventually we (the dancers) start to become progressively less and less clothed as the dance goes on. I'm going to be the dancer who is totally nude. :) We rehearsed it yesterday and it was hilarious. Tom wore my bra to do his section too. I'm glad that with everything else going on, there is something really fun and exciting happening.

Balk by Speechwriters LLC

2009-02-22T19:54:00.001-08:00

This song seems to be really summing things up for me at the moment.
Balk:

the first chord's the favorite of everyone indeed
it rings of possibilities, of all the things you thought a song could be
of all your hopes and dreams
la dee dee dee dee dee

the next chord it dissapoints, it dissapoints like me
it heads in a direction, and it stifles other opportunities
of what the song could mean
la dee dee dee dee dee

and now i'm calling you, and it's a sunday, and i'm feeling like a whore
and now i'm telling you, things i've told you, about a thousand times before

the first time i kissed you we heard different things for sure
i thought it was a lovesong yeah, but a short one yeah, well you were hearing more
we both heard different chords
we're different that's for sure

and now i'm calling you, and it's a sunday, and i'm feeling like a whore
and now i'm telling you, things i've told you, about a thousand times before
well it's the last time that i'll hurt you i scream, at the top of my lungs

what the hell has happened to the way things used to be
when freedom meant much more than living harnessed gracefully
and i could tell you that i loved you and believe it faithfully,
dee dee dee dee

and now i'm calling you, and it's a sunday, and i'm feeling like a whore
and now i'm telling you, things i've told you, about a thousand times before
well it's the last time that i'll hurt you i scream, at the top of my lungs

New things?

2009-02-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to post again for some time now, but I haven't been entirely sure what to write about. For the most part I think things are going well. I'm having to drop some things which is unfortunate, but I think it's good that I realized that once again I managed to overload myself. (I just seem to do that naturally, idk how.) So I'll have to learn to play the piano another time. For now my is going to be divided between classes, work, choreographing, recovery stuff and possibly having some sort of social life. When listed all in order like that it seems like I'm doing a lot anyway. Go figure. I've been calling my girl in Florida a lot and going to a lot of meetings lately. I went to a meeting called the Jelly Bean meeting. I always wondered why it was called that, and now I know. They actually do give out Jelly Beans. Nice! I had a really big accomplishment yesterday as well. Then of course I freaked out and had to wake Casey up in the middle of the night, but I still did it. Now I'm off to baby-sit for one of the professors in the music department. I guess I'll have to give more of an update later.

Brace Face

2009-01-28T11:16:00.000-08:00

So I got braces on Monday. They are heavy duty metal things that are currently a bit painful but apparently they are going to keep my teeth from eventually breaking (due to their bad alignment) so I'm happy about that. I have to admit though, I feel pretty dorky wearing braces in my 20s. It's not something I'm particularly happy about, but it is what it is I guess. The orthodontists seem pretty excited about me. Apparently my mouth is some sort of special case they had to go to a conference to learn how to fix. They're anxious to try all kinds of new things on me and see how they work. Dr. Brown even called my house the other day just to see how I was doing. So I guess the good news is I get really specialized treatment. Go me.
I've got 45 days behavior free today. Unfortunately 45 days of eating normally isn't really enough to get my system totally adjusted to digesting things normally. That means I still get pretty sick sometimes, like today for example. I'm going home with my Mom to eat lunch because if I end up not being able to digest lunch I kind of don't want to be in the dinning hall when it happens. Talk about embarrassing.
One of my dancers dropped out of the dance I'm choreographing for Fast Forward this year. It's unfortunate because I really like her dancing and wanted her to be in the piece, but I'm kind of excited about going to the auditions on Friday and having people audition for me (instead of the other way around). It will be kind of a fun change.
I had my first piano class ever on Monday. It was a little intimidating but I'm excited about it. Now I just have to find the time to practice. :)

Missing Wickenburg

2009-01-21T09:30:00.000-08:00

Last night I dreamt I was in treatment again. I was arguing with the house mom that I needed to be allowed to use the phone so I could tell my parents that I was being released the next day. I got so tired of that kind of crap when I was actually there. Towards the end of my stay I started becoming so indignant. Like, what the fuck do you mean I can't make a damn cup of tea whenever I want to? Ok, so you gave me back my cellphone...if it's off, why the hell can't I carry it with me into the great room? It's lonely being away from there though. Now that I'm back home, especially now that I'm back in the dorms, it's kind of surprising to have to make my own schedule. I miss waking up in the morning and knowing that I had to be ready by a certain time. It was nice to know that there was something I didn't want to miss taking place soon, even if it did mean I had to be in the van by 6:30am. Of course what I really miss isn't early morning meetings or cowboys or how cold it was. (Yes there were real cowboys. There were cowboys everywhere and they all wore cowboy hats and boots and owned horses. They also drove giant trucks. It was weird for me at first. Hell it was still kinda weird by the time I left. We were an hour away from the nearest Target. It was really like a whole nother world.) What I miss the most is the people. It was nice to constantly be surrounded by supportive people who understood what I was going through. It's weird to realize I can't just step out of my room and go bag on Casey and Alana's door. I especially miss Su. I'm glad she is coming out to Santa Monica. I feel kind of the way I did when everyone graduated last year. It was weird to suddenly realize that I could just wander back to the dorms and go complain about how inadequate I felt in Spanish Class. Of course I love my friends at home, and I love being in school. I'm happy to be back and though my classes may be tough this semester they are all things that I really enjoy. It's just a strange, different feeling. I suppose I didn't expect this shift in the way I feel to actually take place.
For a snap shot of what Wickenburg was like: We made our own stockings for Christmas and managed to convince the staff to let us all go on a "walk" to the dollar store, regardless of our level. We then raced down to the dollar store in the rain and completely raided it of all it's small little trinkets to stuff each others stockings with. We ended up needing to make even more stockings because we bought so much shit. We all got lots of lighters and things like silly puddy. I've never been so excited or grateful for small little gifts. Plus I cooked mash potatoes for an entire group of twelve people on Christmas day. Boo yea.

Old Update

2008-11-21T11:14:00.000-08:00

So I've been having a pretty interesting couple of weeks, which has kept me from blogging for a little bit. I'm not really sure if these weeks have been good or bad. I've been filled with a lot of frustration and upset, but in some respects I think that's good. (I've handled things relatively well which I'm kind of proud of.) I've also had some fun adventures as of late. One in particular really stands out in my mind, my adventure to the mega church in Orange county. Jessica, Jacob and I all drove out to Saddleback Church, the mega church in Orange county last weekend. Saddleback church is the mega church where McCain and Obama made their first appearance together in public. It has over 2,000 people attend services each Sunday and being at this place is like being at the Disneyland of Jesus. (Seriously a tram took us from our parking structure to where the main service was.) The whole experience was absolutely fascinating. (Especially the part where Jacob pretended to be searching for religion and got the designated conversion representative to try and convert us.) I had a really good time, even though getting back got a little dodgy with some of the freeways being closed due to the fires. We have now nicknamed ourselves "the god squad" and are thinking about venturing to other religious places. :)

Bright Eyes

2008-11-08T12:12:00.000-08:00

I bought a Bright Eyes album off of Itunes today and am listening to it as I type this. I bought it because I remember having a text message convo with my friend Jenny quite a while ago where she told me that she listed to a song by Bright Eyes when she was depressed. I miss Jenny a lot today. She's in an inpatient facility now which I know is the best place for her, but it means that I don't get to see or talk to her anymore and that makes me really sad sometimes. I had so many motherly instincts for her, or rather "big sisterly" instincts. I've obviously never been the big sister but that's how I felt with her. She made me feel needed and somehow older and wise. I empathized with her a lot and I miss her now that I don't see her anymore. So I'm listening to what I think is the album she was refering to and trying to get myself motivated for the rest of the day. I'm feeling an overwhelming lack of motivation lately. I won't go into it since I really feel no desire to post an overly emo blog, but it does worry me a little bit. I'm incredibly disappointed that the meeting didn't make me feel as good last night as it has in the past. I liked it of course, but I didn't quite get that feeling of peace that usually settles over me after I leave. In the past when I've been really down the meeting has really been the only thing I've looked forward to. Well I still look forward to it. Too bad I'll be missing it next week for Josef's birthday. I'm excited about that though. I'll get to meet his friends and his cousins and stuff.
Last night I went to Shabbat with Sarah (I hope I spelled that right). It was really interesting. I liked it a lot and it made me feel closer to her. I love the fact that they sing the prayers in hebrew. It sounds so beautiful and the prayers themselves seem so poetic (I was reading the english translations during the service). It's really moving. Afterwards they served dinner which was amazingly good and had a real family feel to it. I liked it a lot and if she doesn't mind I may go back with her another time. I hope the group doesn't mind having a completely non-religious, non-jewish person there. Sarah didn't seem to.

Procrastination is a wonderful thing

2008-11-02T15:37:00.000-08:00

I finally spoke to Alicia on the phone today! Woot! Alicia is my friend from group who I really feel like I have a lot in common with. I've wanted to become better friends with her for a long time but haven't really done anything about it. Today, when I was having what she calls a "minor melt down" I actually called her and we talked for a bit. I was really proud of myself and it seemed very pro-recovery (especially considering I've been doing so badly the last few days). I'm really starting to get concerned because I've been feeling myself spiralling down again lately. Fortunately I can at least identify it now. I had a really good talk with my mom about it the other day and she's got me calling my doctors on monday and has agreed to go with me to visit them. I was telling her that I thought I might want to do a more intensive program over the upcoming winter break, which I think kind of freaked her out a bit since she didn't seem all that down for it, but I think it might be a good idea. Anyway, not I am sitting back at my computer freating a little bit less and putting off working on my spanish paper that is due tomorrow morning. I really should get that shit done.

Timbaland rocks my world...obvi.

2008-10-26T13:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday turned out to be an incredibly full day. I didn't really expect it to be, but it occurred to me this morning that this has probably been one of the fullest weekends I've had in a while and it's certainly been a nice treat.

It began friday night when I returned from my meeting and proceeded to get slightly tipsy with my suitemates while watching an incredibly awesome and sexy movie. Not the most exciting Friday night I know, but it was certainly nice to hang out with everyone and feel close. Then the next morning Josef came over fairly early and I introduced him to the Village Venture. We ate breakfast there and I showed him the small town crazyness that I grew up with (complete with costumed dogs, the lady who paints cats on rocks and trys to sell them for over 30 dollars and a booth for flu shots). He got to meet Cat and then we had a really good talk on our way back to campus. I got to explain some about myself and just how crazy I am (or rather how much of my life consists of therapy) which he seemed completely unphased by. In fact he was very supportive.

Later that night I headed off to the ballet with Sarah, Jessica and Stephania. It wasn't until later that I learned it was Stephania's very first ballet. I was glad she'd seen this one. Inland Pacific was doing their annual Dracula performance. They had revamped some of the choreography and the company looked much stronger than it has in past years. I really enjoyed it and seeing the people who arrived in costume (which was about half the audience) absolutely made my night. There were sooo many vampire costumes and the little kids were adorable.

After the ballet I headed out to meet Josef again. Since he'd been coming to Claremont I figured it was only fair that I drove out to where he lives. I didn't quite realize that where he lives is about an hour away on the freeway. I feel a little guilty that he has to drive out here to visit our suite so consistantly. It was worth it though. I got to meet some of his friends and see where he lives, plus there was some awesome Timbaland on the radio to keep me happy the whole drive back. It seemed like my entire sophmore year of college was being recapped via music. (I mean really, The Way I Are, Smack That, that disgustingly emo Three Days Grace song Gil always use to listen to, the list just goes on.) I became extremely nostalgic.

Today I'm headed off to work at 2pm, then out to dinner, then back to work at 7pm. Admittedly this doesn't leave much time for homework, especially since once I get off work Alice, Cat and I are going to a late night showing of High School Musical 3. (Cat and I weren't able to make it last time.) Its going to be just filled with wholesome Disney goodness and I can't wait.

Swollen, puffy cheeks

2008-10-21T20:43:00.000-07:00

So this short fall break has turned out to be a rather interesting and eventful extended weekend. I went to Universal Studios with Josef for the Halloween Horror Haunt. It was way more fun than I expected. Frankly, I kind of expected to hate it, but I actually really enjoyed it. It was rather amusing and I can definitely see why Adam and his friends must love working as the monsters at Knotts Scary Farm. It looks like it would be a blast to dress up in costume like that and run around trying to scare people. I really didn't find it scary at all but then I got the impression that Josef was kind of protecting me from having too many people jump out at me, which I really appreciated. Of course I got lost going to and from the amusement park as usual. In fact I got really lost coming back and ended up having to call my parents at 1 in the morning to have them help me figure out where I was and where I needed to go. They were really nice about it though and I got home just fine.

My next day was spent fielding some rather dramatic phone calls from some friends, which I won't get into at the moment but I'm sure it will come up again. I then packed up that evening and headed home.

Early Monday morning I left with my Mom to the oral surgeons office and had my wisdom teeth removed. The procedure went fine and I was out of there in a fairly short amount of time. Since then I have been recuperating at home (refusing the pain meds to the great dismay of my parents) and trying to get some of my work done for my classes on Wednesday. I'm not sure if I'll be attending them yet as I'm still having some pain in my lower jaw. I've decided that I definitely won't be making it to my early morning class but I emailed the professor the work that was due so hopefully that should take care of that. I'm still undecided about the rest of the day but I'm hoping to be feeling well enough to go to program in the evening, although I'm not exactly sure what I'll do about the eating part. They'll have to come up with something special for me I guess. Josef indicated that he wanted to come over and see me afterwards so we may hang out in the suite and watch a movie. I feel kind of bad that he'll have to drive all the way down from the valley to Claremont just to hang out in my suite, but it was his idea and I explained to him that if I went to program I would probably be too tired to go out anywhere afterwards. I think it's kind of sweet of him to be so concerned about me having the surgery.

Thursday night Cat and I are planning to go see the midnight opening of High School Musical 3 so hopefully I'll be feeling well enough for that. I know, we're dorks, but it's something to do and a reason to hang out together which is good enough for me.

Tired

2008-10-16T10:42:00.000-07:00

I so hate being sick. Just a couple days ago I had the insane hope that I was getting better, but unfortunately I think I pushed myself too hard and now I'm sick again. :( Cat has been nice enough to come over these past couple nights and keep me company by watching Gilmore Girls with me. That's been pretty fun but other than that I have just been dragging myself to class and trying to prepare for midterms and fall break. Since my Laban test is tomorrow and I can't exactly dance in my choreography class today I've decided to give myself a break. I'm relaxing for the first half of the day and allowing myself to recuperate. I'll get my studying and work done in the late afternoon or tonight and then tomorrow will be my last day of classes before the break. Hopefully this way I'll feel rested an well enough tomorrow to focus and concentrate on my test (although I do have to admit that it would be nice to be too sick to get my wisdom teeth pulled on Monday). So anyway that has been my boring little life for the past couple days. I'm planning on going to some Halloween horror thing at Universal Studios this weekend which sounds both exciting and kind of terrifying so hopefully that will liven things up a bit. For now, rest seems key.

This is just typical

2008-10-11T14:17:00.000-07:00

So naturally now that things have begun to pick up at school and in my social life, I've gotten sick. I'm hoping that it will pass quickly. I'm getting ready to work on mid terms and it is my suite mate's big birthday dinner tonight so I'm trying to fight back this annoying feeling of grossness and just trudge on through. I'm thinking it might be nice to actually go home for a change and get some good solid rest there though. For once I'm actually looking forward to fall break. I'll be getting my wisdom teeth pulled towards the end of it which could possibly suck, but I'm looking forward to the prospect of sitting on the couch for a couple days doing nothing but napping and watching tv. I feel like I've sort of woken back up to my life. I feel much more on top of things. I know I have work to get done for school and I'm actually preparing to do it. I feel engaged in my classes. I want to spend time with my suite mates and there are some new people in my group who I am really interested in getting to know. I think things may be looking up more on that end too. At least I hope so.

Things that make me happy

2008-10-07T17:31:00.000-07:00

This vid:

renewed interest

2008-10-04T16:15:00.000-07:00

So I've decided I should start keeping this blog up again. I took a short hiatus from it for a while, but since I sit in the music library for three hours in the middle of every saturday, and since I'm way too umotivated to use that time for my homework, I figure I may as well keep myself occupied by blogging. I'm tired of feeling disconnected from everyone and maybe if I start keeping up this blog again I'll start feeling as though I'm reaching out some. It's a nice way to stay connected to my good friends who are now all over the country (and in some cases on different continents).

I've been in kind of a funk lately. The year began with a frenzy of activity and a bunch of worries. Now, however, things seem to have sort of fizzled out. This gloomy weather today has put me in a very strange mood and considering the circumstances of the last couple of days everything just kind of seems unreal.

For the past couple days I've been frantic, meeting with psychiatrists and my parents, but today I feel oddly removed from it all. My parents are in Santa Barbara and for once my suitemates and I don't have any big weekend guest staying with us that needs to be entertained. James is here this weekend, but fortunately he's staying with the boys (last time he came to stay with us he exteneded his stay for a week without asking anyone and I think my roommate is still a bit ticked about that). Josef will be here today also but I think only for the day. That's exciting though because hopefully I'll get to get in some good tv watching with him and Alice and absorb some of their obsessive fan knowledge. I love hanging out with the two of them. They are so cheerful and willing to include me.

Last night we celebrated Stephy's 21st with a party and a will smith marathon. It was slightly more wild then one would expect a drunkin will smith marathon to be. At least things are never dull in our suite.

I went to visit my friend Ben in the hospital today. He had to have surgery on his knee and he's been there for about a week. It was nice to see him. I got to wheel him around a bit which was fun and he taught me about some video game with a giant pink ball. I got to talk to his mom some too which was nice since I haven't seen her since the end of high school. I was always really fond of her, despite the fact that I think if we were ever to get in a real deep conversation I would find that there are a lot of fundamental things we don't agree on. I was sorry that I had to cut my visit so short with Ben since I had to get to work. He's having this giant IV needle installed in him. It's suppose to last for the next 3 weeks so that he can be taken care of at home. I'd kinda wanted to see it. The thing sounded terrifying but also kind of cool. I'll probably go back and see him again tomorrow. It'll give me something to do (besides the homework that I'm sure I should be doing).

Well thats been my weekend so far. With any luck I'll find some fun activities to keep me occupied tonight. Peace.

Aaaaaaaah

2008-09-02T15:40:00.000-07:00

So the new school semester started today and I have no idea what to do with myself. I've been feeling so restless and anxious lately. I'm excited about the one class that I've been to so far but part of me still feels completely without direction. I feel like I have no idea what I'm actually doing. Yes I want to be a dance and literature major but part of me kind of wonders why I'm taking all these classes. It's like, really, what's the point? I'm hoping that as I get into them I'll start to feel passionate about them and maybe my excitement over the topics will give me a sense of direction. (Yes, I do get excited over lit classes.) It doesn't help that it looks as though I may not be going to Argentina next semester, and needing to make a decision about that has sort of left things up in the air. I know I won't have the time or energy to choreograph for the dance show this semester, but if I'm planning to go abroad next semester I'll need to. That means I won't be able to do things like Hall Council and clubs, which I would like to do, but then, well wasn't the point of not being an RA this semester so that I can chill out and if I'm loading up my schedule other commitments, then did I just quit my job for nothing? And if I don't go abroad I don't really need to take the spanish class I'm signed up for. I'd still like to continue to study spanish regardless, but if I don't need it, do I really have time for it? Is it just eating up extra time and energy that I don't need to be wasting? On top of this I need to remember to fit in my treatment program at least 3 nights a week. I'll also be working weekends at the music library this semester, which is a chill job, but kind of feels like nothing. It doesn't even feel like work, just a listless chunk of time. I do like it there though, and obviously I know how everything works. It doesn't pay very much which sucks because since I went to Costa Rica I didn't get to work a whole lot this summer and so I'm starting off the year already hurting for money. So I'm basically just really confused, and since I'm not sleeping a whole heck of a lot, I'm really disconnecting from everything and just basically not focused. I wish I could have had one more week to recover before starting the school year. The turn around from getting back to the states and starting school was just a little fast for me. There isn't really anything I can do about it though. Oh well.

Back to School

2008-08-31T20:22:00.000-07:00

So I'm back in the states now, obviously. Reverse culture shock was an interesting experience. It had me kinda screwed up for a while. I think I'm pretty much over it now. I've been back over a week and I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. I moved back into the dorms today which was crazy and stressful as always. I was horribly nervous about it all yesterday, to the point of really freaking out. I just didn't feel ready having only had a week back at home. Nothing was packed and I just couldn't seem to get my shit together and prepare myself. Fortunately, today is a much better day. All my stuff ended up getting moved over here and I'm basically unpacked. (This means that all of my shit is out, however I will probably rearrange it about 20 times in the next coming days.) Being back with my suite mates has kind of put me back at ease. I like being back with all of them and it's sort of put me back in the mood for school, sort of. I'm still a little concerned about how my concentration level will be once school starts up again. Plus I still need to figure out what to do about my classes. I've overloaded myself once again, and since it is looking less and less like I'll be going to Argentina I think I need to meet with my advisers and figure out how I can loosen my schedule up a bit. I still don't really feel ready to start everything up again. To be perfectly honest I feel completely exhausted, but I don't really have a choice in the matter.

"Rusticating aint easy"

2008-08-11T11:32:00.000-07:00

So the title is our favorite quote from this trip so far. It's ironic, considering we have never once had to rusticate on the school sponsored trips. Milton, our professor, who has become like our father over the course of this trip, told us at the beginning of the trip to the cloud forest that it would not be like rusticating, but it might be tough. Unfortunately half the class didn't understand what the hell he was talking about, and so a long debate erupted involving dictionaries and interesting conjugations of the word rustic. We have been using it in various phrases ever since. The trip to Nicaragua certainly was not rustic. It was fantastically fun and at times completely, and profoundly beautiful. I think the general belief is that Nicaragua has been the best part of the trip so far. There was a slight incident at the beginning of the adventure, where I and some of the other students were left at the boarder by our public bus, but everything worked out all right. (And it lead to a hilarious incident where Sol went running across the boarder, past the police, after the wrong bus cursing Milton. Fortunately Emmilce was able to follow after him with his passport and as we quickly learned it was not our bus that drove off into Nicaragua. Ours was stopped at the next check point across the boarder, getting the baggage checked and Milton was busy throwing a well deserved fit at the driver for leaving us behind.) Now we are back in Costa Rica and there is only a week left here. I should be writing my final right now (which I have absolutely no information for) but instead I am busy going through pictures and writing emails. I am ready to go home, but I'm surprised to discover I have become kind of accustomed to the way things run here. It is going to be a change going back to the US. I have become repeatedly frustrated with our group over the course of this trip, but over all, I am really happy that we have been together. I really love the whole group and I'm glad that that's the case. I'm going to be sad when we all split up. Some of us our going abroad again right away, and others will be gone for the whole year. (Sadness). I may be getting ahead of myself writing this. I still have this week after all, but where all the other weeks have seemed so long because they've been so packed, this week seems like it is going to fly by. Of course that may be a bad thing since I have a shit ton of work to finish up. Yikes. Better get going.

Nicaragua

2008-08-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

Well I'm off to Nicaragua early tomorrow morning. As usual I am nervous as fuck about the trip. It is going to be 9 hours on a bus. I meeting with the rest of the students that live in my area early in the morning and we're being picked up by a burger joint and taken to the bus. I think I would feel better about things if they weren't slightly disorganized. Well, they're probably as organized as they can be. Traveling just always makes me anxious. It sounds like my time will be pretty filled while I'm in Nicaragua. I'll be visiting different cities and hospitals and trying to do the touristy stuff all at once. Well I think the program wants to cram as much as it can into the week that we're there. It'll certainly be interesting. Wish me luck.

Long time no blogging

2008-08-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

So internet access, and time, have been kind of tough lately. The institute I´m attending seems to keep loosing internet access, as well as running out of international calling cards which is just really annoying. But at least I have a free moment to write now. A lot has happened since I last got a chance to post and things have been both good and very bad. I have done a lot of traveling recently, and now my internship is done and I´m about to head off for Nicaragua. My birthday weekend was not exactly the best, but I appreciated my friends celebrating it with me. We got to go see the movie just like I´d wanted and when it looked like we were stranded at a bus stop in the middle of no where the following day and I felt like I might loose it they suprised me with a birthday cake and a little plastic crown to wear. It was adorable. I´m staying in town for this weekend since we´re all leaving Tuesday. So far the highlight of the weekend has been the pilgrimage to Cartago for the virgin of Los Angeles. It´s pretty cool that I happen to be in town when practically the entire country walks to Cartago to worship at this church where the image of the Black Virgin first appeared. The Virgin de Los Angeles is the patron of Costa Rica and people walk for days to get to Cartago around this time. I, fortunately, only had to walk for 5 hours. But I made the pilgramage with my host mom and even though we didn´t go in the church, since I´m not religous and the lines we´re longer than you can even imagine we decided not to, I feel really moved to have done the walk. Well since I´m currently sitting in a cramped internet cafe with a really bitchy attendant glaring at me, I think I´ll end this post. Just 2 more weeks until I come home. I know I shouldn´t be, but I´m anxious to get back. Home sickness is really starting to set in. I miss everyone!
Laters

Trabajar todos los dias

2008-07-23T12:19:00.000-07:00

So now that I´m no longer following the male ATAP worker around during my internship, I´m actually starting to rather enjoy it. It is tedious at times, but on occasion I get to administer vaccinations (which I´m totally not suppose to do so perhaps posting about it on the internet is a bad idea) and take people´s blood pressure. I consider the fact that I, a dance and literature major at a liberal arts college, now have the ability to do these things totally amazing. Honestly I´m truly amazed with myself. I´ve recently started coming out of my nervous little shell. I went to the cold forest this past weekend, which was by far the most beautiful place I have ever seen in my life, and there I road a horse through the mountains, in the pouring down rain, and climbed over rickity bridges to get to this absolutely breath taking waterfall. It was like no experience I´ve ever had in my life. Looking back, I can´t believe I even did it. It just seems like something timid little me wouldn´t be up for. Neither does vaccinating someone though.
I´m also starting to feel more comfortable just generally living in a foreign place. I like taking the bus in the morning and watching all the men, dressed up for work with their fancy belt buckles and umbrellas, get on and off at the stops.
I´m afraid, though, that I´m isolating myself from the group some. I am not planning to go to the big party in the city this weekend with the rest of them. I haven´t been very interested in going out to bars with them in the past. This weekend I plan to go on a yoga retreat with at least one other woman I know here and I´m hoping that I will be able to round up a few people to go to the movies with me friday night. It is my birthday after all and I´m really hoping to be able to see Dark Knight in spanish. For some reason the idea of watching a movie here friday night, in the language that I´m trying to learn just seems really pleasant to me.
Well its time for class now.
Hasta Luego

Costa Rica, part 2

2008-07-17T12:20:00.000-07:00

So I'm writing this blog really fast before my Spanish class begins. It is turning out to be much harder for me to stay in touch than I ever expected, simply because I'm soooo busy. I'm working in an EBAIS here, which is kind of like a free clinic, and I'm taking spanish classes and attending lectures in the evening. I'm getting use to doing things like taking the bus and going into strange people's houses to educate them on health and I'm learning to find my way around the city.
Last weekend the program shipped us all off to the beach, which was both amazing and kind of messed up. My friends and I almost got robbed and managed to poison ourselves with DEET bug repellent. Other than that though, we had a great time. We are going to a cloud forest this weekend, which I'm hoping will be really relaxing since we have been going like crazy this past week. We have been constantly busy.
I had to be sent to see a counselor a couple days ago since I am kind of having a hard time, but I've realized that if I just set small goals for myself and take things slowly, things are much easier.
The stuff I'm learning is really interesting, but I do think I'm experiencing a bit of culture shock. I am definitely homesick, as much as I keep thinking to myself "I totally love this country."
Exciting news though. At the beach, I saw a shit ton of monkeys. They came down out of the trees and hung out right next to my head!! I have some pictures that I'll post whenever I get the chance.
Gotta Go now. Peace.

Costa Rica

2008-07-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

Estoy en Costa Rica ahora. I made it here alright, despite 20 hours of traveling, a plane with broken brakes, needing to change flights, and arriving hours late. I was totally freaked out the whole way here, but I was picked up at the airport just fine and taken to my homestay with no problem. My mom here is named Vicky. She's the sweetest woman ever. She is this short little woman in her 60s with short hair that she dies dark red and she wears black all the time. Her house is filled with color though. She is a painter and the entire house is covered with her paintings which are absolutely beautiful and filled with color. She's painted the door of her room and the walls of her garden in the back of the house which is absolutely beautiful and makes things feel really warm and welcoming. She has the best attitude. I only just met the man that lives with us last night. He had been in the country with his wife but he returned last night and I was introduced to him. He is so young. He's like 24. I had read this in my email describing my family but for some reason I still pictured him as being older.
Today is our first day of spanish classes at the institute. We've spent the last couple days getting oriented and walking around San Pedro. Carlos, one of the assistants here, has been our tour guide. He's our age and we all feel like he's probably got the shittiest job, but he's a totally sweet guy and really helpful. (I may have just the tiniest crush on him.)
We walk everywhere here, at least so far, which is great. The institute is about a 20 minute walk from my house. It use to be a private residence of a really rich couple so the place is beautiful, but really oddly laid out. Apparently this couple that lived here modeled, so the house is covered in mirrors. Weird. The address of the place is really only for the international students, it's basically useless. None of the buildings have addresses or numbers. Postage and directions are done with land marks, and estimation of the distance from them, the left or the right and a description of the building (usually).
Everything is really green here because it rains every afternoon. It's a warm rain though so it isn't so bad. Things appear a little underdeveloped at first glance, but they really aren't lacking in much. Things appear to function pretty well, just at their own pace.
So so far so good for me. Next stop on the trip, Nicaragua. Thats not for a couple more weeks though (like in a month) so I will continue to write about Costa Rica until then.
Hasta luego!

Address

2008-07-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

So while I'm in Costa Rica my mailing address will be at ICADS institute, so for those of you who feel like mailing me (and I really would appreciate it) the mailing address they've given us goes something like this:
Student Name
C/O ICADS
Apartado 300-2050
San Pedro de Montes de Oca
Costa Rica, Centro America

So I'm leaving in 2 hours for LAX and I'm scared out of my mind. Thanks to everyone who has encouraged me and reassured me. The next time you'll hear from me I'll be in Costa Rica!

Leaving Friday

2008-07-02T16:15:00.000-07:00

So today is Wednesday and I'm leaving Friday. That means I have very, very little time left in the states. I'm starting to get a little panicky about that. I talked to Heather (one of the women who is going on the trip, and the only one in my session that I would really know at all) and that calmed me down a bit. It was nice to talk with someone else who was going and to hear their excitement about it. It also made me terribly nervous though because I couldn't help thinking how much more prepared than me she sounded and what an experienced traveler she was. I've driven into Mexico with my ex-boyfriend before, she's flown to Europe and been left without a single person to come pick her up or who she could get in contact with. (Of course she did travel with someone and I'm traveling there by myself so it's a little different, but I still feel kind of lame having never even been on an international flight before.) Her flight arrives after mine so we decided worst case scenario, I just hang out in the airport and wait to meet up with her when she arrives. That made me feel better. Still she has all her shit in line. She knows exactly what she is taking and just has to move her folded clothing pile from its designated area into her suitcase. She has a pair of hiking boots for when we go to the rain forest, a rain jacket, and she has determined that she is taking her computer and is armed with a list of reasons why. I still only have a general idea of what clothes I need to bring. I have never owned hiking boots or a rain jacket, and I keep getting contradicting information about bring a computer (if it's advised, if I'll be in need of one, if I'll even really want it) so I have no idea what I'm doing about that. I thought I had at least decided to leave my computer here, since electricity is suppose to be so expensive in Costa Rica and it is so uncertain how much internet access we will actually have. The institute is suppose to have computers with internet access available to us, so I thought I had decided to just take my chances and try to use those as much as possible. Now after talking to Heather, I'm not so sure. Aaaaah. I have all of these decisions to make and I need to be all packed and ready to go within a day or so!

Preparing for take off

2008-06-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

So I leave Friday, which seems terrifyingly soon. I have been trying really hard not think about it though, while still going about preparing to leave (which has obviously been a little difficult to do but somehow I seem to have managed it). I finally got some information on my host family. I'm going to be staying with a 64 year old divorcee who's three children are suppose to live relatively close by. Her son actually owns furniture shop next door to the house. She also rents a room in the house to a 24 year old man named Daniel who is studying industrial engineering and who has a wife and three year old daughter who live in the south of the country. The whole set up sounds pretty interesting. I think that I'll get the chance to meet a lot of people living in this particular homestay and the whole situation sounds a lot less stressful than I was imagining it to be. Since this woman is already renting out a room to someone else I think I'll feel like a lot less of an imposition to her while I'm living there. (I know she had to sign up to have me come live with her, but even so I can still imagine myself believing that I am totally putting her out just by being there.)
My brother has been saying that he wants to meet up with me during my long layover in Texas, so I'm excited about that. It will be insanely early, so I am not entirely confident that our meet up will actually take place (since I get the feeling that anything before 10am doesn't really work for him, not that I blame him for this sentiment). Any possible opportunity to see him though is worth getting excited over.
I'm done with work now so I'm just going about my business getting prepared to leave. My friend Cat left today for Missouri. Actually as I'm typing this she is probably on her way to the airport. It's really too bad that she has to leave this week. She'll return just days after I've left for an entire month and a half. I wish we could have had this week to spend together but oh well, that's just the way things go.
Chev sent me some awesome pictures of Costa Rica in an attempt to get me excited about the trip and I have to say that the monkey pic in particular really did do it for me. Thanks Chev!

Final Days

2008-06-26T13:37:00.000-07:00

So today is my last day working in the music library, which means that my departure date it coming up pretty quick. I feel like I've actually accomplished a lot working here, more than I expected to anyway, and although it's been terribly boring I am definitely going to miss the hoards of intense piano music readily available for me to fill the silence with. I've rather enjoyed that, as well as the ability to spend countless hours surfing through links when I probably should have been cataloging, oh well.
I'm not as freaked out about leaving for Costa Rica anymore. I'm still nervous as fuck, but I'm not completely terrified. I'm getting tired of being here and I know that it will be a good experience for me to get out and break away from my comfort zone. It's a little sad though because I've really enjoyed spending time reconnecting with old friends and spending time with some new, local ones. It's surprising sometimes, the people that you find yourself reconnecting with are not always the ones you expected to. With Cat (my bf from high school) leaving this weekend though it's probably good that I'm about to take off. Otherwise I would just be sitting around desperately trying to make plans with the stragglers left here (everyone eventually leaves during the summer time because it is just too damn hot to stick around).
So my plans so far are this:
Spend Friday afternoon with Cat before she leaves
Drive down to the San Diego area on Sat to meet up with an old friend from elementary school who I haven't seen in years (it will be expensive but worth it)
Spend Sunday and the rest of the week up until Friday getting things in order and packing
Try not to freak out
Go to as much of my group as I can before leaving (and hang out with the wonderful people from it)
Get everyones address and email so that I can write
At some point watch 27 Dresses with my Mom because she really seems to want to do that
Hopefully spend a little more time with local friends
Enjoy the city's fourth of July celebration
Drive to LAX that night and be off
Then I will meet up with my brother in Texas (figures crossed) during my five hour lay over and then fly to Costa Rica where the adventure will begin

So now I have less than a half an hour until my work day is over and then I'm heading off to meet Pablo to be his makeup model for his latest job interview. (He is an aspiring makeup artist.) If he does anything totally crazy (which he has been known to do) I'll be sure to get some pictures. I'll keep everyone posted on my increasing (or decreasing) level of preparedness for the trip. Wish me luck as I try not to freak too much.